A Thing of the Past

Have you ever had a moment where something just clicks in your mind? You’re just sitting there and BAM, it all just makes sense?

Well, for me, that moment came a couple days after speaking with my mother about my neighbor in Jamaica.

I remember that on Sundays, after my grandmother washed and detangled my hair, I would walk to my neighbor’s so that she could style my hair. I was not about to go to school with my granny plaits.

I remember that up until a certain point, said neighbor would “put my hair in one,” my child-talk for a pony tail, when I so requested.

That was during my infant school years.

However, at some point, she stared saying that she couldn’t do it. My hair was too thick, yadda yadda. So, instead, my hair would be styled in braids, twists, cornrows, you name it. I didn’t appreciate that.

Yes, as a child, I liked the simplicity of just throwing my hair into a ponytail and being done.

Over time, as I entered 2nd-5th grade, I started seeing a pattern. The girls with “pretty hair,” or the Indian/Asian kids, or the girls with perms, would have their hair “in one.” So naturally, I started thinking that it was because I didn’t have that “pretty hair.”

So, I resented my hair. I wanted a perm. I wanted to put my hair “in one.”

Fast forward like ten years, and guess what? I can put my hair “in one.” I still love ponytails, buns, pin-ups, everything of that sort. I’ve also grown to appreciate the styles that I’ve worn as a kid.

You want to know the most tragic part of this story? Well, during my conversation with my mother, I found out that my neighbor has had rheumatoid arthritis for many years.

Obviously, as a child I didn’t quite understand what this was. But, such a misunderstanding shaped my relationship with myself, my hair, and my self-esteem.

At that point, everything just made sense. The need for her to rest while doing my hair. Her complaints of pain. How long it took her to sit and stand. I feel horrible for not understanding her pain.

But I was just a child who didn’t understand. Has anyone else had such an experience?

The puff and I (a year ago) 

 

Happiness

I was going to write about my fitness journey so far. Well, I don’t think I can call it that since it’s been about two days. But I’m cheesing so much right now.

Ch-Ch-Changes

So I’m finding the need to reevaluate all, or at least parts, of my life since I almost fell off a rocky cliff last weekend.

Le Chat

So, this past weekend I made the move of a lifetime!

When you’re 13 going on 30

So, today I was driving home from work/apartment shopping, and I stopped at a red light just to see a roaming pack of preteens, all girls, in some skimpy skirts, cellphones, and Starbucks. Of course, I sighed, shook my head, and started ranting to my roommate.

Baby Fever

Guess who’s expecting a new bundle of joy???

Doing things!

So…I did this thing, and I’m so proud of it! I feel like I’m on my merry way to being an actual person. I kind of think that without doing this, one cannot really say that they’ve completed one of the milestones that is needed to be a fully functioning person. 

Adultin’

Mix one serving of angst, three servings of bubble and cheer, one tablespoon of adult, a pinch of old woman, and a dash of child and….that’s me!

Obviously I’m not the only one that’s making the leap from “childhood” to adulthood, but it’s still something new for the majority of us!

Moving, living on our own, buying cars, starting new jobs, making new friends… they’re all things that we might have been prepped well for, or not at all.

I’ve come into this new phase of life knowledgeable about some things, still clueless about others. I’ve had successes, and I know that there are failures awaiting me. There are new responsibilities facing me and new ways that I’m being seen.

Hell, my niece told me that I’m old and I should have a car… Well, I do now hun!

There are people who are my age that are getting married and having kids, something that apparently comes in rounds. Those who marry now, those who marry after grad school, and those who do it when they’re a bit older. I see myself as the third. Maybe I’ll have my first child at 37, you know, travel the world first, enjoy time with my spouse, experience many things.

There definitely are great points about being an adult. I mean, you get to get drunk at dinners while it’s storming outside PLUS you can still bitch about crappy writing in a certain manga…

I guess the reason that I’m writing this is that it feels a bit surreal, being seen as an adult. For the younger ones, I’m not that old, I might be 4 or 5 years older than you. It comes quickly, so enjoy those moments of not having responsibilities. Enjoy high school and college. Travel, try things, make it worth your while; because it all ends way too fast.

 

On Navigating Awkwardness

So, it’s no secret that I’m very very awkward. I mean, like my whole life is just…yikes!

I’m that person who, when I don’t know if I should say hi to someone, will go to the ends of the Earth to avoid making eye contact with or talking to that person. I don’t know why, it’s just my instinctual reaction!

So to help you awkward folks (and myself) out, here are some tips to get you out of your comfort zone and right into the action zone/frying pan/the cruel cruel real world. And they totally work! Yep 100% not a chance of failure!*

Say hi to those people. yes, the people you see but avoid even breathing the same air. They might be wondering why you’re so standoffish, and then that confusion might turn into resentment and they might just think of you as a dick…So break the ice and wave hello. If they don’t wave back, just whip and nae nae outta that room.

Go on that date. Be it through Tinder, Grindr, or (gasp!!!) in real life, there could be that special person just waiting for you! You might click with that person, or that date might be a complete dud. But this is your chance to test out your flirting skills! Maybe get a free meal or try something new. The world is your oyster! It’s not like they’re going to stalk you on LinkedIn or anything…

Leave that phone at home. Because we all know you’re not doing anything important with it! It’ll be easier to make friends, especially with that enchanting gentleman who decides to enlighten you about his broken thumb. Cheers to new friends!

Be yourself! Being awkward sucks sometimes. There will be days that you just sit there and think about the one (or many) embarrassing moments that make your stomach curl into itself and where you just want to hide from the world. It’s alright though, Chipotle and a comfy bed never lets you down.**

*They do not.

**Except for E.coli or whatever.

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Talk About Shorts…

So, I moved to Madison not too long ago, and so far summer here has been…well, summer-y. It’s hot one day, humid the next, and when both of those things happen…well, you’re pretty much screwed.

So naturally, when it’s hot and I don’t want to repeat the mistake of overdressing in the heat, I wear shorts. No big deal right?

WRONG!

For some reason, when I came to the Midwest, I expected hospitality, kindness, courtesy, you know. But this morning, and I’m talking about 7 in the morning, when I went to get my car, some douchebag really just had the nerve to slow down, leer at me, and freaking yell obscenities at me. Like he legit yelled “I want to fuck you.”

Like really? Who even does that?

I tend to feel self conscious when wearing shorts because, despite the fact that I’m rather slim, my lower body is a bit curvy. Don’t get me wrong, I love it! But when I wear anything that remotely hikes up at the back, I just feel like someone’s just leering, and are about to say something. And they do. And it sucks.

There’s nothing worse than some scumbag leaning out of his car and just ruining my day by making me feel gross. 

Catcalling. It’s not cool. It’s weird. Like, are you seriously expecting us to chase you down while asking for your number?

Simmer down thirsty ones! Let me wear my shorts in peace!