Posted in Ramblings, Uncategorized

Changes and Memories

So, I’m about to be an aunt. Like an actual aunt. People may think, “oh what’s the big deal? It’s not your child,” or “you already have nieces and nephews, what’s the big deal?”

Yes ladies and gentlemen, and those who fall in between, I am an aunt. One that is very much excited and scared to be an aunt, again. But this time, there is a difference. This is the child of my brother. The one that I’ve grown up with. The one who has both bullied and protected me. The one who I’ve taken my love of video games and Dragonball Z from. He’s the one that taught me how to drive. He’s the one who contributed to the madness that you see here.

He is the one who has both annoyed me and inspired me. I’ve confided in him and hid things from him when I believed that he wouldn’t understand me. But he hasn’t judged me for it, well as far as I know.

So, thinking about him in this way, and thinking about how we’ve grown up together, growing both apart and closer, naturally this child will be someone very special to me. I hope that I will be the greatest aunt to him. I hope I will be able to guide him to the right paths. I hope that I can love him unconditionally. I think I will actually.

There’s always a sadness that comes with thinking about my new nephew. I know I won’t be able to protect him from all of the failings of society. Nobody will. I know he will have his moments when he’s scared and I won’t know what to do. I know that there will be moments when he won’t even want to talk to me.

Most selfishly though, the greatest sadness that I feel right now is the fact that I’m growing up.

There is only one year in my life when I wasn’t an aunt. But my brother’s child shows that those days of playing Tekken 2, those days when I could selfishly cry for his attention, those days when I was player 2, those days when we would run outside barefooted on scalding concrete in the blazing Jamaican sun, those days when we were children are gone. They’re only fond memories, and it’s hard to handle that.

The only thing I can do is adjust to this. I can only make sure that my nephew has the best childhood. I can only look forward to that.

11951902_1185646551456124_2663204709971979880_n

Posted in Natural Hair

Regretting the “Big Chop”

As the young lady who consistently suggests that other people who are transitioning to natural, you may wonder why I have this title for this piece. Well, let me clarify. I regret the way I went around doing the big chop. Back in late 2014, I simply washed my hair, chopped off the relaxed ends, looked in the mirror, took one picture, aaaaaaaaaand immediately called my friend begging her to put braids in my hair the next day. She came through.

10744983_951932031488675_2144719324_n
This is that one picture.

I pretty much just kept it in braids for 6 or 7 months until I was comfortable with its length.

So here’s where I messed up:

  1. This would have been the perfect moment for me to experiment with cute short hairstyles.
  2. This would have been an even better opportunity for me to get comfortable with my face.
  3. Now I’m at that point where I’m wondering what I would look with those short cute hairstyles.
  4. Aaaaaaaaaand I’m at that point where my hair is long(ish), around bra strap length, and I don’t want to cut my hair back to that point, but I super want to see myself styled with short hair, but I also want that waist/hip length hair.
  5. OH GOD ALL OF THE REGRETS!

So, where do I go from here? Well, I don’t really know. I’m at that point where I really love my hair and I know what my hair likes, but I guess for now I’ll have to live vicariously through my friends doing the big chop now. Maybe one day I’ll get to the point where I don’t care enough about long hair and just chop it off again!

12961353_1279881238693751_3729286262328255506_o
Yay!

 

Posted in Ramblings, Uncategorized

Why We Need Beyoncé

Have you ever had those days where you listen to a great song and you just feel like you can do anything? Something that makes you feel like you’re on top of the world, like a straight up badass?

With the release of Beyoncé’s new album, “Lemonade,” I see a lot of people focusing on the infidelity aspect of the album. You can take a listen on Tidal, which is free for 30 days I believe. Anyway, I’ve seen people commenting things like “this bitch is crazy,” blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, irrelevance, etc. That’s great and all, we all have a bit of crazy in us. I love the humanity in this album, the anger, the sadness, the jealousy, the culture, the badassery (if that’s a word). But I choose to focus on the representation that she uses in her videos.

I could have used a role model that showed the same messages as her when I was younger. I’m not saying that Beyoncé wasn’t around when I was a child, because she was. The messages that I got from her were those of confidence. But, quite frankly, the message didn’t reach my heart, because as I’ve previously written, I was a tiny dark-skinned child with little confidence and society was doing nothing to help that.

Now as an adult, well kind of, my heart melts when she showcases Blue Ivy, with her cute little afro with the lyrics “I like my baby with baby hair and afro. I like my Negro nose with Jackson Five nostrils.” She showcases the beauty of her child after all of the attacks on her innocence. People talking about how her hair needs to be combed and how Beyoncé is a bad mother for having her leave the house like that. This little girl is perfect the way she is. She is beautiful, and Beyoncé will not let society degrade her baby.

Beyoncé’s use of so many black women with their diverse shades, textures, and talents gave me life. I honestly wanted to just rip these braids out and wave my afro around, but too bad I paid $100 to install them. Soon enough though. But I digress. This representation of black women who were doing so much, so much ballet, so much sports, singing, poetry, among others, shows, especially for the younger ladies and gents, how much beauty and potential. The light ones, the dark ones, and the ones in-between all know that they are beautiful. They all know that they can slay.

I love Beyoncé for showing them that. I only hope that they will take that to heart.

 

Posted in Eats!, Uncategorized

Sweets ‘n Eats

So to commemorate another Sunday being alive, I decided to go to brunch with two of my favorite ladies. I say to because quite a few were missing, but that’s not the point. Brunch is always a great way to unwind and catch up with people that you miss. So, we chose this nice little hole in the wall eatery called “Brickway on Wickenden.”

Yep it’s pretty much a hole in the wall, one where you have to walk down a rather short alley to get in, but it’s cozy nonetheless. We had to wait about fifteen minutes, which wasn’t too bad, especially since it was, you know, 11am, on a Sunday. So, yeah. We were in there lightning fast.

I should probably preface the rest of this with the fact that I love sweets. They’re my life, my love, my everything. So naturally, I ordered french toast with strawberries and some hot chocolate, and by God, were they delicious.

The hot chocolate was rich and sweet, which is something that I tend to not find often. Normally when I order hot chocolate they tend to be thin, way too sweet, and just a straight up disappointment. As for the french toast, it was delectable. It had this great chewy texture, a slight crisp, and it wasn’t soggy. Like at all. This, paired with the strawberries, was even better because of the sweetness of the warm french toast coupled with the cool and tart strawberries just made for a great start to my Sunday.

My lovelies also had some really great looking food with the Brickway Benedict and the Albuquerque omelette. So, if you’re in the Providence, RI area, I would definitely recommend this for breakfast, lunch, or brunch! Unfortunately, it closes at 3pm, but it’s especially good for us poor university students and other people on budgets because you get fresh ingredients, for a better price! The restaurant, unfortunately closes at 3pm.

Posted in Ramblings, Uncategorized

Finding my type

I really love taking showers. It’s always that one opportunity I have to unwind, reflect, and plan my life. But, there’s always that moment when I’m showering and my thoughts take a dark turn.

In this case, I was suddenly brought back to my childhood insecurities. It was bizarre, because it was just me seeing the water trickle down my skin that just reminded me of the times when, instead of using black soap, I would try to erase my blackness with papaya soap. I remember trying to escape the water pouring from the shower-head as I tried to keep the suds on my skin for as long as possible. I remember looking at my naked body in the mirror after each shower to at least see if my skin had even lightened a fraction of a shade. And then the splotches came. Continue reading “Finding my type”