Posted in School/University Life, Uncategorized

Giving up for your own sanity (Part 1)

So this topic has been weighing on my mind for the past couple of months actually. I’m not sure if it can apply to a romantic relationship in the spirit of valentines day, so for now, I will be speaking about another kind of heartbreak…a friendship breakup.

There’s something about giving up that just makes you feel like the sum of the earth. Especially when you’re giving up on someone that you love. Furthermore, it gets worse when that person is someone that you spend so much time with that you don’t even know how to function when they’re not there. You imagine them with you for the rest of their loves. You’ll be there through the greatest moments of their lives and the worst, you can only hope that they feel the same way. But what happens when the worst part of their lives causes them to turn on you? It turns them into someone that you don’t recognize? Someone that tries to control your life?

In my case, I had to go through the rounds of ending a friendship that was dear to me due to the other party’s mental status. It was the very reason that I didn’t want to end the relationship because they stated that I was their rock, and they were mine. But, during this point in our friendship, our relationship went from mutual understandings to me being their caretaker. It went from deep conversations to belittling me for “not doing enough.” It went from us being each others rocks to them saying that I was the only reason that they were alive and that if anything happened to them it would be my fault for being a bad friend.

That kind of pressure is not good for anyone, but it’s even worse for someone like me who has barely learned to take care of herself. I didn’t know what to do. Thinking back on it, I should have called psych services, but things weren’t so cut and clear back then.

 

Posted in School/University Life, Uncategorized

Drunken Fun!

Yeah, so it’s cold outdoors and apparently it’s supposed to be about -10 degrees outside tomorrow, but I still decided to go out with my lady friends! And it was awesome! There’s something about the fact that we have only a few more months (maybe) together that allows us to bypass all of the bad things that may keep us apart. We were able to drink, play games, dance, and just laugh together. I know I’m going to miss these moments. I realize that we may not always have the time to be together like this, but to whomever is reading this. Appreciate your friends, you never know what will happen. Right now I’m too worn out to write more, but I will provide an in-depth guide (?) to dealing with issues within friendships. For now, enjoy yourselves!

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, Uncategorized

About that, Gloria Steinem…

I’m going to preface this whole post with the fact that I hate politics. It’s messy, complicated, sometimes violent, and just a hot mess. But, this time around, especially as it is my first time being able to vote in something as big as the primaries and, eventually, the presidential election, I want to make it count. I’ve done my research, watched debates, and I’ve done a lot of thinking. So when I read and heard that Gloria Steinem said to Bill Maher that the young women who support Bernie Sanders are only doing so because there will be boys there, obviously I was not too pleased.

This past weekend, I was in New Hampshire canvassing for Bernie Sanders because his views fall more into line with mine. I support everything that he says. I support the fact that more taxes should be levied on the wealthy. I support the fact that we should invest more in education. I support the fact that receiving a college education should not put people into crippling debt and that public colleges should be free. I mean, in this world, a college education has become a necessity and we are not only competing with people in this country, but within other countries. How does it look when many people in our country are unable to afford a tertiary education while people in other countries can get one for free?

This man has been preaching equality since day one and people are against him because they think that he’s too radical. All of these ideas have been implemented somewhere and he’s accounted for all of his proposals. What’s so wrong about making billionaires pay their dues? What’s the need for all these billions of dollars stashed away in other countries? What’s the need for all this greed?

I refuse to vote for someone because of their gender. I certainly will not vote for someone because of their race either. I mean no disrespect for Hillary, because I respect her for everything she’s done as a woman in politics. I respect her for braving the political landscape filled with misogyny and hate. I still remember that heckler in 2008, who yelled at her to iron his shirt. I admire how collected she was. But I’m not voting for her. My views don’t align with hers. I respect her, but she’s not my candidate. Bernie is. I will support him as much as I can. Also the GOP is just a mess. Honestly.

Posted in Natural Hair, Uncategorized

Swimming with natural hair

So, I started swimming lessons, and I learned to float (yay!!!) before I immediately forgot and inhaled water. That hurts like a bitch by the way, but that won’t stop me! I was a bit worried because I heard that chlorine can dry your hair out to the point where it starts breaking (especially since my hair is naturally dry), but quite honestly, I didn’t want that to be the reason that I never learn how to swim. I’d rather be bald and equipped with a survival skill than look cute drowning.

Essentially, I’d looked up tips on how to protect your hair against chlorine on websites such as Curly Nikki, Natural Hair Rules, and BGLH. They all essentially stated that I should wet my hair first in order to prevent more chlorine from getting into my strands, put conditioner (I used the Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Restorative Conditioner, which I love!) in it, and coconut oil to prevent breakage. So I did that. I’d also unraveled all of my twist and put them into two braids since I’d already decided to make Wednesday my wash day. I further made sure to cover my hair with a swim cap from Speedo, which kind of gave me a headache, but that’s just life.

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One and a half hours, several nosefuls of water, and three headaches later, I was done with my lesson and went to wash myself off in the showers. I took my swim cap off and there was hella water. Less than what there would be if I’d swam without the cap, but more than I expected. I was a bit disappointed, but I also made sure to prepare myself for that. I rinsed my hair and my body off, stretched my hair (I think some parts are at or past bsl, whoop whoop!), put them back into two braids and went home.

The first thing I did when I went home was part my hair into six different sections, twist them, and then hop into the shower. I used the Shea Moisture African Water Mint Shampoo, which is amazing. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to use it to remove chlorine, but that shampoo is the bomb! It’s tingly to the point where it cools my entire body and it doesn’t leave my hair feeling stripped and dry.

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I then deep conditioned my hair for about an hour (using heat) with the Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Strengthen, Grow, and Restore Treatment Masque, which I recently started to use too. I like the scent (kind of like vanilla) and my hair feels a lot more moisturized. I’m going to address this right now, the reason that I’m using so many Shea Moisture products is that I love them. Also, they were buy one get one free at Walgreens, so I might have gone on a spending spree. I think it’s now buy one get one 50% off, but I’m happy that I already have my haul for the next couple of months. After all of that, using my previously sectioned hair, I applied my Jane Carter Solution Revitalizing Leave-in Conditioner, then my good ol’ coconut oil, and topped that with the Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Enhancing Smoothie. All and all, my hair still feels soft, and I make sure to spritz my hair daily or every other day or so. I might switch out the mint shampoo for something else designed for swimmers, but we’ll see what happens.

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So, ladies (and gents, and those who fall elsewhere) don’t forget to exercise safety in the water and have fun with your hair!

 

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, Uncategorized

What’s in a name….

Having a unique name sucks. I guess to our parents, our names would be cool and we’d be their unique little nuggets, but for us, it’s just a constant montage of people absolutely destroying our names. For me, that was today. I went to the mailroom for my university in order to pick up my bathing suit for my swimming class that starts tomorrow (yay). Let me preface this with the fact that my name is two syllables. It rhymes with such words as, squeak, meek, unique, and cheek. Somehow, this lady made my name rhyme with “thank you.” Yep. I was so horrified that I just stared at her. I was just like “is she calling for me or…?” Wut. I think the guy next to her saw my face because he looked at the package with my name and whispered my actual name to her.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my name. Despite all of the issues that I’ve had with it, it’s a part of my identity. It’s how my family and friends know me. I have no nickname at the moment. I grew out of all of them. But sometimes, I just wonder if my life would be easier if I just switched my first and middle name. I’ve experimented with it. Used it for job and graduate school applications. Considered using that name when I leave school. For me, it’s not really bizarre when strangers use my middle name. However, when my friends even utter my middle name, it just feels foreign to me. I kind of feel like I’m abandoning some important part of me. Sooo, I think for now, I’ll use my actual name with my family and friends. Then I’ll figure out what to do when I meet new prospective friends, let’s see which comes naturally to me. I’ll always be myself, so I doubt that some name change will make much of a difference. I mean, how does the saying go? “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

 

Posted in School/University Life, Uncategorized

Fear of the unknown

So I decided, along with my other roommates, to go to Portugal for Spring Break in March (thank God for Groupon). I’ve been saving for a while and it ended up being the best deal that we found! After finding the deal, we called our parents to inform them of our plans, like the good children that we are.

We pretty much were met with the same responses. They ranged from: “but Isis is over there” to “but it’s so far, why don’t you just stay in the US?” to “are you sure? Did you do your research, the world is a dangerous place you know?” They’re all fine and all. It’s fine to have fear, we’re human, it’s how we survive. The problem comes when our fears are so overpowering that it prevents us from living our lives to the fullest. I already know that I’m going to die at some point in my life. We all are. I want to live a long life, but I don’t want that life to consist of me just hiding away in somewhere that is “safe.” There is no such place. I mean, come on! We’re all on a planet hurtling through space! Some asteroid could come and wipe us out. A super-volcano could erupt at any moment and just screw us over. Despite the differences that we love to put between ourselves, and the safe places that we’ve imagined, we’re all in the same boat. Screwed. Doomed. Gonna die. But, at the moment, we have life. There’s no point in just hiding away just to live another day, because at some point, that other day isn’t going to come.

That got a lot darker than I wanted it to get, but it’s true. Anyway, I’ll make sure to blog about Portugal when I get there. Well, probably after I get back home because I really want to enjoy my time with my roommates. I mean, when are we ever going to be able to travel and spend time with them like this?

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, Uncategorized

Get Me Bodied

I know I already wrote something about body and fitness yesterday, but I’m still on it. So whatever. Has anyone realized how bodies have changed throughout the past few years? My roomie and I were watching the video to “Lady Marmalade” and I realized that Lil’ Kim, Christina Aguilera, Mya, and Pink had really normal bodies. Not exaggerated hips. No superboobs. When the video for “Lady Marmalade” came out, I was a kid. I was young enough to not notice bodies, but at that point I was impressionable enough. I know that people are going to say “why were you watching those videos anyway?” But I was, that’s the point. Hell I even say that about kids nowadays, but I’m rambling.

Even as an adult, even though I sometimes don’t feel quite adult, I hadn’t realized up until a few weeks ago what a woman’s body looks like. I would always look at myself and say things like “if only my boobs were a cup bigger (I’m barely a B-cup)” or “if only my waist was a bit narrower” or “if only my stomach was flatter.” Essentially, if all of these things in me were “correct” then I would have a super curvy super toned body. And I don’t, and I never will, and that’s okay. My body is perfect for me, I’m healthy. When I go to the gym, I look around and realize that there are so many healthy women with so many healthy types of bodies. And that’s okay. We as women and men need to remember that we’re all different, there is no need to adhere to a certain kind of ideal that is thrust at us! Learn to love yourselves. It takes time, but seeing all the good things makes it worthwhile.