Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, Natural Hair, Uncategorized

Hi

So…it’s been a while. I wanted to update like two months ago, but life happened I guess. Since the, I’ve graduated university, spent time with family in New York, Philly, and Florida, attended a Beyonce concert with my lovely cousin, moved to a new state, and started a new job. So yeah, life is pretty hectic, but I love it!

The reason I’m writing today, I guess, is that I had a pretty weird/kind of normal experience last night. I went out with a few friends, had dinner, grabbed some drinks. You know, the “normal” things that 20-somethings do.

But, yesterday, this older lady came up to me and gushed about how lovely I looked, with my “effortless” bun, beautiful dress, smooth skin, and amazing hair. Granted, I was flattered, especially since she complimented me without touching me (it’s happened before, people have literally just reached their hands into my hair without permission).

The bizarre thing was when she kept repeating that she’d “kill” to have hair and skin like mine, while I was just there smiling, laughing, kind of drunk. But thinking about it today, it’s just strange that the things that I hated about myself when I was younger are the things that people are kind of enticed by. I think my wording is off, but hopefully you catch my drift.

What I’m meaning to say is that we hear so much about people hating the bodies that they were born in. Azealia Banks and Lil’ Kim bleaching their skin, you know. Those two women are beautiful, but it’s so sad that they find it necessary to alter themselves. I think I’m kind of rambling today. It’s just been such a weird time for me, growing into myself and loving myself.

Anyway, hopefully I’ll be able to update more. I have a bottle of Terressentials that I’m dying to do a review on, plus I’ve been indigoing my hair! So, until then, stay safe and love yourselves!

 

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, School/University Life, Uncategorized

On being excited for the future

I’m at that crossroads in my life where I’m about to transition into a completely new part of my life. I will go from being in an institution where I’m surrounded by people my age to a place where friends aren’t so easy to find. I will be responsible for all of my bills, housing, food, you name it. And I’m so excited for it.

It’s strange because for me, leaving university is a manner for me to find myself, especially because I feel that, despite the fact that I have had so many years to try to realize what I want, my answer to that annoying question is still “no comment.” I have family pushing me in towards one area, but I realize that I will have to woman up and make my own decisions. I want to be happy, and for me, happiness doesn’t necessarily include me having some prestigious law degree while I rot away in my shitty six figure job while resenting me family for pushing me into something for their bragging rights.

I want to make sure that I truly want to do something before I do it, even if it includes angering my family, because at the end of the day, it’s my life. So, even if I make my mistakes, they are mine and mine alone to learn from. I will pick myself up, brush myself off, and start over. As long as I am happy and can learn from my decisions.

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, Ramblings, Uncategorized

#tweetlikeapickme

Why are people always trying to put each other down? Every time I go online, someone, usually some attention-seeking woman, posts something like: 12046693_1661383437451670_2685600402066534320_n

Ok great cool. I mean, good for her that she found someone that was willing to push themselves to be successful. He’s worked hard and he sure as hell didn’t lay up on the couch just saying that he was going to do something. So don’t hate on me for pushing myself and then not necessarily wanting to have someone who is barely there. There will be those men who push themselves, but there are also bum, so yeah.

There’s that and then I’m hit with something like :

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Yeah…No. Honestly,I love wearing shorts. I love my tank tops, I love my body. Not to mention, calling someone a slut just because of how they dress is just downright shameful. Like, really? Me exposing my skin puts me in a bad light just because some pervy dude can’t keep his dick in check? Ok, bye.

So when I found this article on Blavity. I couldn’t help but die. It was so accurate. It was beautiful. I love seeing ignorant people get dragged, but this was a wonderful manner to throw shade at those people who put other people down for their own benefits.I mean come on ladies (and gents, because I’ve definitely seen some of that), if you’re really willing to put up with some of these lowlife men or women, then you need a reality check and some self esteem.

Anyway, enjoy your days. Keep your heads up and love yourselves, you know, without putting other people down.

 

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, School/University Life, Uncategorized

Giving up for your own sanity (part 2)

Wow, this took a while for me to update. The weird thing is that it was through a visit from Viola Davis that I gathered up the confidence to do this again. She was amazing, but maybe I’ll write about that later. With that, let’s carry on with this subject!

Having someone say that you’re the reason that they’re still alive and that you’re somehow expected to continue that role is something that no one should have to experience, especially when they are so young. The worst thing is when you don’t know if you should tell someone, or in my case, call psychological services. Here’s the short answer. Do it.

Why? I got lucky. I’m sitting here writing to you about a former friend who is still alive. Alive being the key word. I could not even imagine how it would be if that person had taken their own life. The kind of guilt that would evoke would be soul crushing and heart wrenching. If you think that someone is a danger to their own lives, call someone. They may hate you. In fact, they probably will, but do it.

I tried the method of appeasing that person, but they still hate me. I’m not even sure if they’re okay, but at the moment, that’s something that is out of my hands. I’m sure that if I had called psych services, this person would have received the help that they needed. But, that’s just how it is. For the moment, these are the things that I have gathered:

  1. No matter what you do, the person will resent you for not being able to be there from them.
  2. If you’re the closest to them, they will hate you the most.
  3. They will abuse you, tell you everything that you’ve done wrong to them.
  4. They will listen to none of your thoughts, none of your feelings, no matter how legitimate they are.
  5. You will feel bad for leaving…
  6. But you have to, and will, get over it.

Self care is important. Listen to your heart and your soul. Know that giving up doesn’t mean that you don’t love the person, it just means that you know to love yourself. Sometimes, that’s all that matters.

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, Uncategorized

About that, Gloria Steinem…

I’m going to preface this whole post with the fact that I hate politics. It’s messy, complicated, sometimes violent, and just a hot mess. But, this time around, especially as it is my first time being able to vote in something as big as the primaries and, eventually, the presidential election, I want to make it count. I’ve done my research, watched debates, and I’ve done a lot of thinking. So when I read and heard that Gloria Steinem said to Bill Maher that the young women who support Bernie Sanders are only doing so because there will be boys there, obviously I was not too pleased.

This past weekend, I was in New Hampshire canvassing for Bernie Sanders because his views fall more into line with mine. I support everything that he says. I support the fact that more taxes should be levied on the wealthy. I support the fact that we should invest more in education. I support the fact that receiving a college education should not put people into crippling debt and that public colleges should be free. I mean, in this world, a college education has become a necessity and we are not only competing with people in this country, but within other countries. How does it look when many people in our country are unable to afford a tertiary education while people in other countries can get one for free?

This man has been preaching equality since day one and people are against him because they think that he’s too radical. All of these ideas have been implemented somewhere and he’s accounted for all of his proposals. What’s so wrong about making billionaires pay their dues? What’s the need for all these billions of dollars stashed away in other countries? What’s the need for all this greed?

I refuse to vote for someone because of their gender. I certainly will not vote for someone because of their race either. I mean no disrespect for Hillary, because I respect her for everything she’s done as a woman in politics. I respect her for braving the political landscape filled with misogyny and hate. I still remember that heckler in 2008, who yelled at her to iron his shirt. I admire how collected she was. But I’m not voting for her. My views don’t align with hers. I respect her, but she’s not my candidate. Bernie is. I will support him as much as I can. Also the GOP is just a mess. Honestly.

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, Uncategorized

What’s in a name….

Having a unique name sucks. I guess to our parents, our names would be cool and we’d be their unique little nuggets, but for us, it’s just a constant montage of people absolutely destroying our names. For me, that was today. I went to the mailroom for my university in order to pick up my bathing suit for my swimming class that starts tomorrow (yay). Let me preface this with the fact that my name is two syllables. It rhymes with such words as, squeak, meek, unique, and cheek. Somehow, this lady made my name rhyme with “thank you.” Yep. I was so horrified that I just stared at her. I was just like “is she calling for me or…?” Wut. I think the guy next to her saw my face because he looked at the package with my name and whispered my actual name to her.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my name. Despite all of the issues that I’ve had with it, it’s a part of my identity. It’s how my family and friends know me. I have no nickname at the moment. I grew out of all of them. But sometimes, I just wonder if my life would be easier if I just switched my first and middle name. I’ve experimented with it. Used it for job and graduate school applications. Considered using that name when I leave school. For me, it’s not really bizarre when strangers use my middle name. However, when my friends even utter my middle name, it just feels foreign to me. I kind of feel like I’m abandoning some important part of me. Sooo, I think for now, I’ll use my actual name with my family and friends. Then I’ll figure out what to do when I meet new prospective friends, let’s see which comes naturally to me. I’ll always be myself, so I doubt that some name change will make much of a difference. I mean, how does the saying go? “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

 

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, Uncategorized

Get Me Bodied

I know I already wrote something about body and fitness yesterday, but I’m still on it. So whatever. Has anyone realized how bodies have changed throughout the past few years? My roomie and I were watching the video to “Lady Marmalade” and I realized that Lil’ Kim, Christina Aguilera, Mya, and Pink had really normal bodies. Not exaggerated hips. No superboobs. When the video for “Lady Marmalade” came out, I was a kid. I was young enough to not notice bodies, but at that point I was impressionable enough. I know that people are going to say “why were you watching those videos anyway?” But I was, that’s the point. Hell I even say that about kids nowadays, but I’m rambling.

Even as an adult, even though I sometimes don’t feel quite adult, I hadn’t realized up until a few weeks ago what a woman’s body looks like. I would always look at myself and say things like “if only my boobs were a cup bigger (I’m barely a B-cup)” or “if only my waist was a bit narrower” or “if only my stomach was flatter.” Essentially, if all of these things in me were “correct” then I would have a super curvy super toned body. And I don’t, and I never will, and that’s okay. My body is perfect for me, I’m healthy. When I go to the gym, I look around and realize that there are so many healthy women with so many healthy types of bodies. And that’s okay. We as women and men need to remember that we’re all different, there is no need to adhere to a certain kind of ideal that is thrust at us! Learn to love yourselves. It takes time, but seeing all the good things makes it worthwhile.

Posted in Fluff/Ramblings, Ramblings

Being Your Best Self

I’m finally beginning my journey to health! Again. There’s just something about being at home that just turns me into a lazy potato, but when I’m at school, I just want to do everything! I practice martial arts, I go to the gym almost everyday, and now I’m even going to learn how to swim! I’m really excited about that by the way, at least if I fall off a bridge I’ll be able to swim!

I’ll have to admit the fact that I exercise for vanity and health. Vanity because I want to be toned, I want to have abs, that glowing skin, and I certainly want to have that cute butt. I also do it for health, as I want to make sure that I won’t have to deal with heart disease (something that many women deal with), lower my risks of cancer, and I want to live longer. Strangely enough though, when I tell others that I am going to the gym or that I want to be healthier, they look at me and comment something like “you’re already so skinny, why do you need to exercise/eat so healthy?” This annoys me, yes, I do it for the vanity, but I’m going to say this right now: skinny does not equal healthy. I have a high metabolism and that’s great, but I want to be able to run around and not be out of breath. The same goes for bigger people too. We as a society have such an obsession with the perfect body that we lose sight of the fact that we are all different. We all have our own perfect bodies or we can achieve our own perfect bodies. We don’t have to alter ourselves cosmetically to be beautiful, we only need be healthy. It took me far too long to realize that, and I still don’t appreciate myself as much as I should.

I want to be my best self. Not the person who is skinny by simply laying around, watching TV, and eating. Rather, I want to be the person who looks and feels healthy while living my life. No matter your shape, make sure to live your lives to the fullest. Make sure that you’re able to go after the things that you love, both physically and emotionally. Let no one get in the way of your happiness.