Posted in Ramblings, Uncategorized

Changes and Memories

So, I’m about to be an aunt. Like an actual aunt. People may think, “oh what’s the big deal? It’s not your child,” or “you already have nieces and nephews, what’s the big deal?”

Yes ladies and gentlemen, and those who fall in between, I am an aunt. One that is very much excited and scared to be an aunt, again. But this time, there is a difference. This is the child of my brother. The one that I’ve grown up with. The one who has both bullied and protected me. The one who I’ve taken my love of video games and Dragonball Z from. He’s the one that taught me how to drive. He’s the one who contributed to the madness that you see here.

He is the one who has both annoyed me and inspired me. I’ve confided in him and hid things from him when I believed that he wouldn’t understand me. But he hasn’t judged me for it, well as far as I know.

So, thinking about him in this way, and thinking about how we’ve grown up together, growing both apart and closer, naturally this child will be someone very special to me. I hope that I will be the greatest aunt to him. I hope I will be able to guide him to the right paths. I hope that I can love him unconditionally. I think I will actually.

There’s always a sadness that comes with thinking about my new nephew. I know I won’t be able to protect him from all of the failings of society. Nobody will. I know he will have his moments when he’s scared and I won’t know what to do. I know that there will be moments when he won’t even want to talk to me.

Most selfishly though, the greatest sadness that I feel right now is the fact that I’m growing up.

There is only one year in my life when I wasn’t an aunt. But my brother’s child shows that those days of playing Tekken 2, those days when I could selfishly cry for his attention, those days when I was player 2, those days when we would run outside barefooted on scalding concrete in the blazing Jamaican sun, those days when we were children are gone. They’re only fond memories, and it’s hard to handle that.

The only thing I can do is adjust to this. I can only make sure that my nephew has the best childhood. I can only look forward to that.

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