Wow, this took a while for me to update. The weird thing is that it was through a visit from Viola Davis that I gathered up the confidence to do this again. She was amazing, but maybe I’ll write about that later. With that, let’s carry on with this subject!
Having someone say that you’re the reason that they’re still alive and that you’re somehow expected to continue that role is something that no one should have to experience, especially when they are so young. The worst thing is when you don’t know if you should tell someone, or in my case, call psychological services. Here’s the short answer. Do it.
Why? I got lucky. I’m sitting here writing to you about a former friend who is still alive. Alive being the key word. I could not even imagine how it would be if that person had taken their own life. The kind of guilt that would evoke would be soul crushing and heart wrenching. If you think that someone is a danger to their own lives, call someone. They may hate you. In fact, they probably will, but do it.
I tried the method of appeasing that person, but they still hate me. I’m not even sure if they’re okay, but at the moment, that’s something that is out of my hands. I’m sure that if I had called psych services, this person would have received the help that they needed. But, that’s just how it is. For the moment, these are the things that I have gathered:
- No matter what you do, the person will resent you for not being able to be there from them.
- If you’re the closest to them, they will hate you the most.
- They will abuse you, tell you everything that you’ve done wrong to them.
- They will listen to none of your thoughts, none of your feelings, no matter how legitimate they are.
- You will feel bad for leaving…
- But you have to, and will, get over it.
Self care is important. Listen to your heart and your soul. Know that giving up doesn’t mean that you don’t love the person, it just means that you know to love yourself. Sometimes, that’s all that matters.